My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
