There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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