Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
