Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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