Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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