Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Green mimosas i think yes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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