she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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