1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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