the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize