i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
