Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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