your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
