If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What a dumb baby whore.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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