go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
