i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
