3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
