the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He has the fingertips of a God
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
