How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
