We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
