kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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