so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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