Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
