I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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