You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
