how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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