at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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