I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
