so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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