I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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