community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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