69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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