I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
