The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
