drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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