I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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