Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
