He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
