tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
