Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
