Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
