i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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