Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
