He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
