Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the liver wants what the liver wants
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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