yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
