Kiss
Puke
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
