Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
