She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is wine microwaveable?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
