I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
