New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
