All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize