He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
