So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's like iHOP with fire
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
