I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize