How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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