Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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