Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
