so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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