i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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