Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
