omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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