best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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