This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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