Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
