my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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