Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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