i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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