I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
