I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize