it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
