I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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