Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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