I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Who died my cat blue again?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
