I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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