Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Houston, we have a blender
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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