Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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