She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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