I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
