you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
