Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
