Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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