The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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