So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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