the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They have beer where we have blood.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
