I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
