i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
